


nor the fifty thousand

by albion



Series: eruri week [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Deathside comforting, Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Serious Injuries, Spoilers for A Choice With No Regrets, mentions of previous minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 13:44:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1094573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/albion/pseuds/albion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>eruri week</b> | <i>day two</i> : “blood”<br/>also originally posted <a href="http://hattushash.tumblr.com/post/70788487568/nor-the-fifty-thousand">here</a> on tumblr</p><p> </p><p>Erwin wants to pick him up; to take him home and whisper <i>it’s all right, it’s going to be all right</i> but he’s only got one usable arm and he is alone. They are alone.</p><p>They are all alone in the world, and Levi is dying in front of his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nor the fifty thousand

 .

 

“To conquer death, you only have to die.”

 

.

 

He reaches the ground, drops to his knees and feels the metallic _chink_ of the wires of his 3D gear sliding back into place.

There’s a wet trickle of blood staining the front of his shirt, and he can feel his legs unsteady and shaking as he attempts to sprint across the short distance of patchy grass that seems to be growing bigger and bigger with each passing second. It’s wet and muddy underfoot due to the rain and the dirt is riddled with tiny sharp stones that slice into his palm each time he stumbles to the ground, body still unused to the new balance.

He pulls himself back up, cursing, shaking the blood out of his eyes from where it dribbles down through his hair and onto his forehead.

He cannot give up. He cannot, for he has a responsibility and he has a promise to keep.

 

.

 

(he kneels on the ground, ignoring the way the muddy water soaks into the fabric. uniforms can be washed again and again. this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

he gazes into those cold, steely eyes; weighing the risks, considering his options. he sees power and anger and a terrible amount of potential.)

 

.

 

A promise.

To humanity, to freedom, to _Levi-_

“Levi,” Erwin gasps.

 

.

 

He doesn’t want to look. There’s so much blood, red and blooming and blossoming like a spring flower in a garden in Sina.

This flower reeks of metal and death, and Levi is shuddering, so helpless and cold and sodden. Erwin wants to pick him up; to take him home and whisper _it’s all right, it’s going to be all right_ but he’s only got one usable arm and he is alone. They are alone.

They are all alone in the world, and Levi is dying in front of his eyes.

 

.

 

(levi is like chips of grey slate: small and sharp and barely noticeable until buried deep into the flesh. he is quick and light on his feet, even quicker and lighter in the air, and erwin recalls an image he had seen once in a forbidden text he’d found in his father’s library. the image was of a boy with short curly brown hair, an enormous pair of wings strapped to his back.

“icarus,” erwin reads, “was the son of the master craftsman daedalus-”)

 

.

 

He’s earthbound now, struck down like the boy Icarus in the tales of old. As Erwin reaches with his hand to grab Levi’s palm in his, he’s aware of the younger man wheezing and shuddering quietly.

“You don’t have to go on,” he whispers, although he hates every word that’s coming out of his mouth. “You can let go. I won’t be angry.”

“I didn’t want this,” Levi gasps, shaking his hand out of Erwin’s grasp. “I didn’t-”

“I know, and I’m sorry, Levi, by _Sina_ I’m so _sorry_ -”

“Shut up,” Levi says, dragging his torso (all that’s left of him now, really) back on his elbows so that his head can rest in Erwin’s lap, like a mother comforting her child. Erwin lets out a sob and reaches out to caress Levi’s wet hair, smoothing it away from his forehead so he can look into the eyes of the boy he’s murdered.

“Don’t you _dare_ say you’re sorry, Erwin. Don’t you dare say something like ‘I should never have taken you into the Corps.’ _Don’t.”_

Levi’s skin feels very cold.

“I won’t. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“And you know for what it’s worth, I’m glad I joined the military. Because otherwise I never would have met you.”

 

.

 

(levi watches warily as the other recruits receive their portion of food and move to take seats on the benches in the mess hall. he sits alone, scowling into his bowl of lentils and carrots and onions, and when one unsuspecting trainee moves to strike up friendly conversation levi snarls like a wild animal, and the poor soldier stumbles away.

farlan and isabel still hurt, and erwin turns away from the doorway and walks back through the corridor.)

 

.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Erwin confesses, as Levi shifts in his lap and lets out an anguished cry of pain.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Levi replies, and closes his eyes. Erwin feels lost and bewildered, because he knows how to stand in front of crowds and tell them _your child died for the glory of humanity,_ or; _i believe sir, that eren jaeger’s power may of great use to us_ but right now he simply cannot work out what he’s supposed to do. He is helpless.

“Hold me,” Levi moans quietly, and Erwin leans forward so that the back of his own head is blocking Levi’s face from the rain, his arm slung around Levi’s shoulders in the only gesture of comfort he can give.

It had rained the day before they met.

 

.

 

(“my name is erwin smith. what’s yours?”)

 

.

 

(“levi. won’t you make a deal with me?”)

 

.

 

“Come on Erwin, talk to me. Don’t let me die in complete fucking silence.”

Erwin racks his brain for a story to tell, and eventually settles on the one that’s currently weighing upon his mind.

“Once, a long time ago, there was a master craftsman named-”

 

.

 

(erwin knows he’s not a good person. how can he be, when he sends countless men and women to their deaths, sometimes seemingly with no recompense for their sacrifice?

“you’re not a heartless man,” levi is saying, as erwin nurses a cup of lukewarm tea and sits silently at his desk. “you’re a pragmatic man. you understand what needs to be done; what needs to be given. you’re the best hope for humanity at this point.”

“and what are you?”

“i do whatever it is you command. you are the brain, and i am your blade.”)

 

.

 

“-but the unfortunate Icarus did not heed his father’s advice, and flew too close to the sun. The wax holding his feathers melted, and the boy plummeted down to his death.”

Levi lets out a short huff that Erwin thinks is probably meant to be a laugh.

“What?”

“This is a shitty story.”

“Sorry. It was the only story I could remember.”

“You’re awful at comforting the dying, you know?”

“…Yeah. I know.”

 

.

 

is he icarus, too confident and too sure of his own abilities, causing his own destruction? or is he daedalus, who first sowed the seeds of the idea?

 

.

 

(“you’re doing it again.”

“doing what?”

“tapping your quill against the desk, the way you always do when you can’t decide if it’s better to lie to the parents or tell them the truth. _your son died in a needless exercise, attempting to recapture a small town just outside a forest with those big ass fucking trees. it wasn’t worth it in the end. we didn’t manage to take back the town_.”

“be quiet, Levi.”

“so what’s it gonna be this time? you gonna lie? or are you going to tell them the truth?”

erwin sets down his quill angrily and gives levi the sharpest glare he can muster. “leave.”

levi raises an eyebrow.

“that is an order.”

there is a pause.

“yes, commander.”

the door shuts with a firm click behind him.)

 

.

 

Levi looks down at the mangled mess that is what’s left of his body.

“That’s a lot of blood. I didn’t know I had that much blood in me.”

“Don’t look at it.”

“I’ll do whatever I damn well want, Erwin.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Levi falls silent. Erwin can hear the sound of the rain falling in short patters. He wonders how long it will take the rest of the squad to find them; to find _him_ , and a body, bled out.

And then Levi speaks again.

“What a shitty way to die. Legs gnawed off by a fucking titan.”

Erwin has no reply to that. After a short while, Levi’s breaths start coming deeper and more ragged. He is shaking now, in Erwin’s lap, and his mouth is moving but he can’t seem to form the words he wants to say.

Finally, after visible effort: “Was I useful… to humanity?”

Erwin feels his heart skip a beat.

“You were more than useful. You were- _are,_ indispensable.”

A deep, ragged breath.

“Levi-”

“I hope… you’ve got a damn good replacement.”

 


End file.
